how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
