at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
should my penis look like a turkey
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
