I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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