The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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