just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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