I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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