and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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