Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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