There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You're earring is so big in my mouth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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