I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
