There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
