so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
