If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude. I can hear the air.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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