guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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