I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
