Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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