not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
