You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
