I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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