If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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