I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
