I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
