She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
