I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
