My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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