I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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