his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
