Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
