What a fucking waste of an outfit
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
