he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
