why didn't you poke me back
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
