She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
