She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
