Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
