After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
