so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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