yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
