you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
