people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
