May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
