This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
