Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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