The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Randomize
