Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
