I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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