i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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