Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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