Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just found puke in my bra..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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