U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
