He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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