I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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