update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
