why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
