He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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