Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
