The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
