i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
