bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
