Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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